SaSaMi'S gRaNd AdVeNtUrE
by Happy Cabbit Konai
Summary: Sasami's terrible secret is revealed on her mystical journey through hell.(not really)


Tenchi Muyo is the property of Pioneer LSD and AIC and all the other people who own it. Ginsu knives are copyrighted by some Asian guy who likes to trick stupid people who cook into hurting themselves and/or others.

This fic is bloody. And sadistic…and involves the death of a chicken. In fact, IMHO, it's a complete waste of hard drive, time, and money(are you reading this through a fic paysite?). Which makes the sad fact that it's better than a lot of fics out there(I.E-60 page DBZ "Hercule" and Cell TM crossovers)…well, even sadder.

Didn't you read a word I said? Fine, go ahead. But I warned you….

******************SaSaMi'S gRaNd AdVeNtUrE*******************

Ookayama, Japan. It was a typical day in the Masaki household. The wind casually blew up a fog of valentine colored cherry blossoms across the entryway to the shrine, Ryo-ohki was scheming up new ways to get into the locked carrot-filled shed that didn't involve morphing and a volley of photon torpedoes, Mihoshi and Kiyone were fucking like Brittney Spears and Cher after the MTV music awards on their king sized lavender canopied water bed, and Ayeka and Ryoko were in a shrine hall arguing over Tenchi's now three week old corpse while Washu hid behind a nearby wall in the house and threw her voice to make it seem that the corpse was talking.

Enter a kawaii little thing called Sasami. "La la la la laaaa…." She trilled, exiting her domain, the Masaki kitchen with glinting ginsu knife still in hand. 

Seconds later, with a loud explosion, that kitchen was gone.

"Fucking stray nukes…" She grumbled to the fluffy yellow baby chicks as they brushed up against her on their way to investigate the wreckage that had been the kitchen.

"What the hell, Sasami!?? I can smell what the Sammy's cooking, and it reeks of ozone." Garbled out one little chick in backwards talk as it's head twirled round and round above its cuddly wings.

Sasami began giggling at the possessed fowl's rude comment on her kitchen technique, but stopped, clutching the shooting pains in her stomach halfway through the laughing fit. Sasami's insides slowly melted and reshaped themselves in the form of a thousand venomous snakes, each gnawing its way to freedom at the minor cost of a hole in the little girl's stomach.

Clutching at her belly with her empty hand, Sasami fell to the ground, hacking up her lungs to the point of passing out from lack of air. Some phlegm flew from her mouth but was stopped from journeying far by a nearby wall.

She crumbled to the ground as tears began to stream down her lightly freckled face.

"No…I've got to stop it…I won't let myself" She screamed valiantly between coughing fits. Hoping to force the tickling in the back of her throat down into her belly by swallowing, she tried to stand on two legs.

Her lungs trembled as the scratchyness returned to her throat, undeniable, cruel, and at full force. Her body forced her lungs to give, and her insides pressed the air up through her throat and out her mouth. Along with the blood.

"Oh no, chickens…blood."

She stared at the red puddle she had coughed up on the floor. It was small. Just like last time…

She attempted to stand on one leg, at least just one leg, but her body refused to grant her desire, and gave her only even greater pain for her foolish attempt.

She screamed once more as the itchiness finally died and the pain in her gut was replaced by the pain in her gums. She ached all over…but it was the pain wracking her gums that made her stab the ginsu knife through the weakly resisting flesh of her left hand to give her a more tolerable pain to concentrate on. For it was through her gums that her fangs broke past in a cascade of blood…

"NOOOOOOooooOOOOOO" Her high pitched scream continually deepened as the sticky crimson fangs grew out the front of her mouth and past her chin.

The once wide and laughing circle surrounding her pupil grew darker and darker by the second in time with the fangs. Sasami howled with pain. And pleasure.

An aching in her back told Sasami that soon the transformation would be complete. Within seconds, that very flesh on her back would be torn through. It would not be punctured, how she wish it could simply have been punctured. But when her blunt wings ripped a path to light through the skin on her back, there would be no merciful piercing or puncturing involved…

The aches increased tenfold, and Sasami quit screaming. The pain was becoming strangely tolerable…enjoyable. Yes, enjoyable was the precise word. And every second when Sasami found a new definition of what pain really was, she closed her eyes in newfound ecstasy, letting the joy of the discovery fill her and speed the transformation.

Then it stopped. No aching in her back. No piercing in her mouth. She sighed a guttural sigh in false relief as she stared at the ginsu knife sticking in her hand. She gripped it firmly with her right hand, and had just began tugging at it hard enough to pull it out of her flesh…

When she screamed as she had never screamed before. The pain shot out from her shoulderblades and quickly enveloped her body. Wave after wave of unbearable hurt threatened to cut the remaining threads of sanity left holding her soul to her now disgusting body.

So she did the only thing she could. She released some of the pain in a scream. But only because she had to. If she could have, she would have saved every delicious sensation for herself to feel again and again through all eternity…but that was impossible. Without screaming, the overwhelming pain would have killed her instantly.

"And what would dying with no purpose accomplish??" She asked the possessed baby chick below her as she flexed, one at a time, the bat-like appendages now sticking out of her shoulder blades. Her eerie red eyes, cloudy and with no pupils, stared at the chick. It's head continued spinning, it's mouth halfway open in a dumb gape.

A large grin enveloped her face as the knife in her right hand quickly found the throat of the baby chick which had mocked her before and slowly pressed against it. Her nostrils twitched as they registered the smell of something else's blood….

The remains of her left hand scooped up the bloody chick….

AND SHE ATE THE BABY CHICKEN!!!!!!

"MMMMM, Boooyah!!!" She screamed at noone in particular between wet crunches.

Slowly, the wings folded and shrank back into her shoulders. Her fangs shortened until they were no more. The red circle surrounding her eyes slowly lightened and the clouds there disappeared as pupils took their place.

She curled up, right there on the floor, as her breath became uneven and heavy. Killing baby chickens takes a lot out of any human, even the demonically possessed future queen of magic oak trees.

THE END (This is just a relief notice for those of you who were wondering when it'd be over)

1.What does this fanfic mean? 2.Will there be a sequel?

1.You don't even care so don't ask, and 2.no…not with Sasami anyway.

WTF is this??? This is dark fic style comedy(I think…)…don't take it too seriously. Personally, Sasami is almost a Goddess in my book…(Of course, she's a real goddess in the OVA…so sue me..) and I'd hate to see any harm befall her. I don't know what I was on when I wrote this, but I hope I never pick it off of a cow patty again.


End file.
